Mother-Child Tensions: Nurturing a Child's Dramatic Attitude
Children are drama looking for a theatre to stage their misfortunes.The best theatre is created between a mother and her children. The theatre is the mother -child relationship, a safe place,where they can act out upsetting feelings.It is best for them to act out their tensions in the context of a loving relationship at home than at school, where teachers do not have time for it. Drama spontaneouly pours out of children when life does them dirt. They experience painful emotions and thoughts they do not understand. They cannot contain their feelings and reflect on them in a meaningful way. A well run interpersonal theatre permits children to make their mother the target of destructive emotions. Drama opens the door to conflict and hurt feelings but also to reparation and repair. A struggle can bring clarity, peacemaking, and forgiveness. Ethics, character development, self-regulation, and a moral sense can emerge from the dramatic encounter. It is better to work with the inevitable drama of childhood in a creative, imaginative way than it is to suppress it.
Shutting down a drama too quickly and completely can lead to lonliness, isolation, and emotional detachment. Children are deprived of their mother's empathic strength and cognitive processess. They can feel pushed into a premature adulthood. They can feel pressured to deal with irrational thoughts many adults cannot manage. They have to ride their own immature judgment and hope for the best. If you have a drama queen in your life, you should feel grateful because her behavior invites you into her mind when she most needs you. Drama Queens are easy to read. If you have a child who doesn't create drama, it's hard to know what is going on in his mind or what to do to help him. They are often the nice kids who go through life unnoticed because conflict is not their cup of tea. They present a different problem for a mother to manage: how to get into a child's mind who would rather match wits with you than to share the honesty of fictious drama with you.
Mother is typically chosen to be the one, with whom children have their meltdowns. She is often the target of her children's anger. She gets the blame for all that is wrong in their lives. She is expected to fix all the problems and keep the embarrassing moments confidential. She is not permitted to complain about these unfair attacks and bogus charges. She is expected to have a short memory but to always keep in her mind it's her job to provide her children with unconditional love. Children bring drama to mother. Both can benefit by creating an interpersonal theatre to manage the tensions they stir up in each other. If you would like to learn more about creating an interpersonal theatre with your children, feel free to call me at 252-237-1626.